Unrealized Dreams
I always wanted to be a cheerleader, for obvious reasons. They were cool. They were popular. They had it all. At least that’s what I thought. But I wasn’t a cheerleader. And I wasn’t cool. And I wasn’t popular. I’m not even sure I was noticed. And I’m pretty sure that’s where I learned how to notice the invisible people – the ones the rest of the world ignores. And I’m so thankful that I have that quality.
I really really wanted a boyfriend – in high school, in college, after college. Just one. He didn’t have to be all that great – just somebody. I never got one. And I am so thankful that I didn’t. Or I would have settled for the first one to look at me twice. And I probably would have made a bad choice. Instead, I waited. And I can’t imagine a better husband than the one I got. I’m so thankful.
I really wanted that job with that textbook company when I was in my twenties. I thought I had it. It was down to me and one other person. I was sure this job was going to be incredible. I didn’t get it. Now that I look back, I’m so glad. If I had gotten that job, I’m not sure I would have found my true joy – being a storyteller and a motivational speaker. I am so thankful.
I really didn’t want to have five miscarriages. It was a very dark time in my life. I wanted a baby more than anything. Eventually I got one. But as for the others – well – I didn’t. I will not say I’m thankful for those tears. I will not say I’m grateful that I suffered loss. I will say that it was during that time I grew the closest to my God. And He carried me through it. And I treasure that time I had with Him. For that, I am thankful.
I wanted this career to happen faster. And sometimes I wish it would happen even faster. And then there are days when it doesn’t even happen at all. And I wonder, if this is it. If it is over. And I’m done. And I keep going anyway. Because I look back. And I see all those times when I faced trials. And they made me stronger. And I know that this will make me stronger too.
I wanted those difficult people in my life to go away. The ones who yell. The ones who bully. The ones who bring pain to others. But without them, I’m not sure that I would have learned true compassion – even for the unlovable – to see the brokenness underneath. And for that, I am truly thankful.
Funny how every major lesson in life, I learned the hard way – through suffering – through loss – through disappointment. I’m not sure I ever learned anything when life was without hiccup. And so, while it’s hard, I will try to find peace in the trials – peace in the understanding that one day this too will be but a memory. Perhaps a memory that was necessary for a future blessing. For it’s not the easy life that makes us strong. It’s in the trials where we find out who we really are, and what we’re made of.
